My Little Decoy
by emoTWiLiGHT
Summary: Crappy crappy title. Songfic for Decoy by paramore. Maybe it's a bit mean, but it would have worked out way better this way... BxE duh


**Hi! Um, so I have several different songfics and story ideas floating around in my head but I haven't gotten to them yet. Well I was listening to some paramore songs on playlist dot com, and it seemed like every single one had a little Twilight story that it could tell. So here is one of them!  
Song is Decoy by paramore  
I don't own Twilight.  
Please review. And please go to my profile and vote in my poll!**

"_You don't… want me?"_

"_No."_

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts. I couldn't afford to think about him. It still hurt, even though I was privy to a little piece of information that should make it not hurt.

After he'd left me in the forest, I was broken. Life blurred by me, and I didn't care. I just wanted it to go away.

I'm sure that, in my head, I made up ways to end it completely. I never made plans, never tried to do anything. That was one thing I could do for him. I promised that I would keep myself alive… for Charlie.

But my obvious rejection of any suicide options must have blown right past Alice, because I came home one day to find Carlisle's car sitting in my driveway.

My heart had begun to race faster, but I told it to calm down. It would only be Carlisle, not the Cullen I was most wishing to see.

It wasn't Carlisle, though. It was Alice. I hugged her tight, like I hadn't seen her for months, which I hadn't.

She grimaced and told me that if he ever found out that she had visited, she would be in big trouble. But she wanted to tell me of her visions. I assured her that I wouldn't do anything like that, that I would stay alive even if it killed me.

She said she knew I wouldn't try it, but she wanted to make sure…

Because she knew that he was coming back.

I admit it, when she first said that, I just about had a heart attack. But I quickly shut down my brain, I couldn't afford any false hopes.

I voiced this concern to her and she told me not to be ridiculous.

"_Even if he doesn't know it yet, he's coming back to you, Bella."_

"_Alice, I know you see the future, but what could possibly make you think that? He said he didn't love me, I knew it was true. It's just… don't make me think that he's coming back just to get hurt again."_

"_Would I honestly do that to you, Bella? He lied. Bella, he does love you, more than anything in the world. For some reason I cannot fathom, he thought you would be better off without him so he left. Apparently, the only way he could do so was to lie.  
Now, I'm not making excuses for him, I'm merely telling you what I forced him to tell me.  
And I know that if anyone ever were to love somebody else as much as he loves you, they would come back. No doubt about it.  
Plus, I'm still seeing visions of you with him and with us."_

In my heart, I believed her. Even if I did not admit it to myself.

She told me what she needed to say and then left, fearing that he would find out she went to see me and be angry.

I went on with my life as I did before, only I tried to stop being so zombie-like. And Jacob helped me with that.

_Close your eyes and make believe  
This is where you want to be  
Forgetting all the memories,  
Try to forget love cause love's forgotten me  
Well hey, hey baby, it's never too late pretty soon you won't remember a thing_

_And I'll be distant, the stars reminiscing  
Your heart's been wasted on me_

We started out as friends, and I really liked him. Jacob was my best friend, he was everything I needed to keep from falling apart even though I knew that he was coming back.

But then Jacob developed a crush on me, making it harder for him to be the person I leaned on.

I suppose it was my fault, for flirting with him that first day. But I never thought he would hold on to it, never thought he would love someone who had been loved and (falsely) unloved.

_oh...oh...oh  
You've never been so used as I'm using you, abusing you  
My little decoy  
Don't look so blue, you should've seen right through  
I'm using you, my little decoy  
My little decoy_

I never liked him as anything more than a friend. He was what kept me sane until the return of my Romeo.

_Living life inside a dream  
Time is changing everything  
Forgetting all the memories  
And I'm forced into you just cause you're into me  
Well hey, hey baby, it's never too late  
When I'm gone you won't remember a thing  
But I can't stay and you know I won't wait  
I was gone from the very first day_

I tried not to lead him on, but it was hard to maintain that balance. Trying to keep him with me, but trying not to let him too close. It was very difficult, but I thought I was succeeding well enough.

After all, he would just find someone better eventually, so why should I give up my sun to save his heart?

_You've never been so used as I'm using you, abusing you  
My little decoy  
Don't look so blue, you should've seen right through  
I'm using you, my little decoy_

Once I found out how deep his love for me ran, I felt bad. But it was partially his fault, because I told him that I would never love him and I told him that he could stay away from me if that's what it took.

But we kept being friends and I made myself forget that he loved me, because that made it easier to be with him, pretending that we were just friends to him as well.

_Oh, oh.  
I'm not sorry at all  
(not sorry at all, not sorry. no.)  
I won't be sorry at all  
(not sorry at all, not sorry. no.)  
I'd do it over again_

And then he came back. I immediately dumped Jacob's hand and ran into Edward's arms.

Once I was safe with my love, it was easier to see why I kept Jacob hanging on. Because I needed someone to keep my mind off things until Edward's return. If I hadn't had Jacob, I would've had to use Jessica or Angela instead, and they simply wouldn't have taken so much of my mind, or been as available.

Knowing that Edward was coming back made life livable, and not dwelling on it every second of every day made the wait seem not as long.

I had needed Jacob. The only thing I regretted was that he fell in love with me.

But really, that wasn't my fault.

_Don't look so blue, my little decoy  
You should've seen right through, my little decoy  
You've never been so used, my little decoy  
And so I'm using you, my little decoy_

And so I stayed alive. Then Edward came back, and my life started again.

I owed my sanity to Jacob, but nothing more. And he knew that it would never be anything more.

So using him wasn't really all that bad. To a certain extent, he knew. But he didn't care. He threw his heart at me, knowing that I would not keep it.

I had no regrets.

**I tried not to make it seem to mean, but really, if Bella knew that Edward was coming back then she would just be friends with Jacob and not fall in love with him… That would have worked out better, I think. Ashleigh already knows my thoughts on thus opinion, lol.**

**Speaking of Ashleigh…**

_Big thanks go to my beta, Obsessed.with.writing !! She truly is the best! These stories would not exist without her, as she is the one who tells me to write and forbids me from deleting my stories. Plus she always likes my ideas, lol._

**If you haven't already done it, review!! What are you waiting for?**


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